Text Types-Narrative

It was a sunny bright day at Moonee Ponds Primary School where the air was crisp and the sun was bright. Our class of 5/6 Z was getting ready to go to GTAC. GTAC  is located in the heart of Melbourne. As we went there we saw many different famous land marks of Melbourne, from the MCG to Crown casino. I new this day was going to be wonderful.

As our class stepped into the science lab at GTAC we could already see it was going to be a fun, safe and interesting session. But I was wrong… for our first activity my friends and I had to go to another room to have a gas experiment. But it all went wrong. As the minutes went by we could not hear or see a single person walking outside. So my friend Jeremy decided to check outside. When he stepped outside the door slammed shut behind him, the door was locked and the room was dark. Then we suddenly started coughing, louder and louder by the second. I could hear Jeremy banging on the door, but that was no help because he was weak and couldn’t bash through the wooden door. I knew we couldn’t get out of this alive.

As the minutes went by the cough just got worst and worst, louder and louder. Then everything started to blur. But as a blink of an eye went pass the window behind us burst open, this was our chance to escape. All my friends where lying there unconscious and I was the only one conscious. So I quickly dragged  my friends one by one to the window and threw them off into the pool below, I could hear them splashing in the water down below but I didn’t have the strength to jump. Plus I was afraid of heights. But then behind me I saw a glimpse of light, it wasn’t the light from the door it was the light from the fire.

I had no option but to jump because the fire was so close I could almost feel it burning. I leaped from the window and down I went, SPLASH!! I landed in the beautiful pool at GTAC. As I looked back up to the burning room I saw an explosion so big it nearly set the whole entire building on fire. Just joking none of the happen this was all just one big dream.

4 thoughts on “Text Types-Narrative

  1. To Raymond,
    I think that you used the main things that you need to use in a narrative, which was good. I think you forgot one thing, which was just that the characters were not described that well. The ending was slightly believable, even though the gas wasn’t that realistic.
    Tom

  2. Hi Raymond,

    I thought that your writing was really entertaining and that you used a lot of describing words in your writing.

    There was a lot of detail, but I got a bit confused because I thought it was meant to be a recount.

    I think that you could have added some adverbs before your verbs.

    Melina o_O

  3. Hi! I thought your story was good but did you have a title for it? If you do, can you include it in the title? I didn’t notice anything wrong it’s just that characters aren’t described and, but they are towards the end. (sort of) I liked the way how it was actually a big dream. The ending was funny because you stated it was a dream. I noticed that every paragraph was stating new ideas and descriptive words were used like bash and weak. Is the story written in past tense?

  4. You did not really explain who characters were and what they were like. The only character that you explained was Jeremy, but other than that the spelling was good and you put lots of detail into this story.

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